Why Panic Attacks are a Gift
I am not a doctor, therapist or offering any kind of medical advice in this blog post. I am sharing only one small part of my mental health journey. I am also not a scientist and cannot confidently explain exactly what happens to the brain during a panic attack, but I can attest that yes, they are truly awful at the time.
My first panic attack happened when I was 19 yrs old.
It happened at OCAD in my second year outside my packaging design class. I remember suddenly becoming incredibly cold, my palms started sweating like crazy, the room felt like it was closing in on me and I was convinced I was either having a heart attack or dying or both. I also remember trying to breathe and being completely terrified.
I share this story in my keynote Leading a Creative Career with Confidence. I never planned on telling this story - and definitely not at the Sony Centre in front of an audience of thousands - but for me, it was impossible to talk about confidence without acknowledging how crippled I was in my 20’s (and even 30’s) by low self-esteem and anxiety. I’m also no longer willing to hide my past, or feel shame for the challenges I have faced.
And I know I am not alone. So many of out there experience panic (or anxiety attacks) but not many of us like to talk about it. I get it. While we are a lot more open about mental health these days (yay), there is also tons of eye-rolling going on out there - i.e. comments like, “Oh ya, you ALSO have anxiety??”... Sigh. It can be deflating to even begin a conversation about this stuff.
Today I hope that maybe you can begin to view them in a different light. Perspective is everything, as they say. And I have come to realize that panic attacks are, in fact, a gift.
Why?
Because if your body is capable of falling apart emotionally and physically from imagined fear, it is capable of healing from imagined peace.
Your brain can work to hurt you and it can work to heal you.
I realized this after living through one of my worst panic attacks to date. In spring 2011 woke up screaming in the middle of the night and was sure I was really dying this time. I will never forget how I could not stop violently shaking (so, so cold!) and I was completely disoriented.
After it was over, two things happened:
I was effing grateful it was ‘just’ a panic attack
I realized how incredibly powerful my brain was and I now had to learn to make it work for me, rather than against me
This meant changing my thoughts, behaviours, habits and inner dialogue so I could get different results.
On the days I had panic attacks, my brain - and consequently my body - decided it was ‘not safe’. Fear (some real and lots imagined) made my brain light up like a Griswold Christmas tree and create totally real, totally scary symptoms like shortness of breath and cold sweats. Even if consciously I felt “fine”, clearly I was not. My body was telling me otherwise and it was going to make me listen - by freaking out and causing a big ‘ol hot mess of a scene.
Sidebar: Your subconscious brain dictates about 90-95% of your reality. All that stress, trauma and fear you have experienced in your life is in you, even if you are not conscious of it in your daily life, and it can absolutely manifest physically.
For me, panic attacks are the rock bottom of anxiety. Its when the anxiety wants so badly to get your undivided attention it literally brings you to your knees - often in a cold, ugly sweat. It’s the body's way of going, “Stop, Hammertime!” but there are no fun dance moves to learn, just brutal symptoms to endure.
After that one horrific panic attack episode, I truly shifted. I saw the gift in the pain. I saw how I needed to reframe these experiences and how I could potentially change the trajectory of my mental health.
I got an all-access pass to the power of the mind–and I found myself in awe.
I decided to have reverence for what was happening as to me as opposed to fear. Since 100% of the time I had survived these episodes, I was suddenly open to the idea that maybe there was a positive side to them.
This, of course, is the kind mindset shift that is necessary for true healing.
It goes back to the idea that nothing is happening TO you, everything is happening FOR you.
And these panic attacks were happening to me FOR a reason. The truth was I was beyond stressed, in a negative mindset spiral, and I needed help to deal with it all. And I got help - lots of it. And I continue to work on myself. Every. Single. Day.
Now, as I write this blog post, I can honestly say that I do not fear having a panic attack, and I rarely experience them. I do have days when anxiety creeps in, but I have so many tools and resources to pull from that I KNOW I am going to be ok. And yes, I will write a blog post about what I did specifically to heal, but everyone’s path is completely unique.
You, too, will be ok. You are stronger than you think, and your brain is more powerful than you know. Decide to be willing to see your brain as a friend trying to support you, even when it feels like an enemy trying to ruin your life. There are so many resources out there to help heal and I encourage you to seek them - you deserve peace.
To your brave success,
Alana
PS: Should you want to read more about how your brain can affect your physical body I highly recommend You Are the Placebo by Dr. Joe Dispenza.
